gratitude

i have been absent for the last week, caught up amidst the chaos and clutter of my environment, that also reflects my inner landscape; as i sit surrounded by half completed visions of the future and pieces of me that no longer fit. the weather has been equally confused, mixing blue skys and autumn sun with sprinkles of rain, downpours and the rainbow lovechild of both. i never really experienced the element of air last week, but i've most certainly been feeling the water this week, as the last 7 days saw the culmulation of the last 7 years of my fertility journey.

and i don't think it was a coincidence that today is all about gratitude. at a time, when it would be so easy to focus on all that we have lost. at a time when we feel our dreams of being parents lie broken at our feet. at a time when we are fighting the feelings of resentment. bitterness. sadness. at a time when my soul feels hollow and dark, i am reminded that my life is blessed...

and i am so grateful. i am grateful to my dear friend who came to see me with bright yellow flowers today. driving herself over to my house, even though she was ill, because she wanted to give me a hug.

i am grateful that, although this experience didn't give us the baby we so wanted, it gave me something different... a quiet belief in myself... a new path.
i'm not sure where it's taking me, but it feels right...

i am grateful that i have an amazing community of women here to explore this journey with and, although i have missed your journey this week, i am looking forward to the opportunity to catch up with you all again.

most of all i am grateful for the immense love i share with my husband. through this all, we have only become closer. stronger. more in love than ever. for having him in my life, i will be eternally grateful. he's my daily reminder that i am indeed blessed, no matter what.